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Re: Clean Humor Thread
Two guys, one old, one young,
are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart
when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy,
"Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,
and I guess I wasn't paying attention
to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too...
I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well,
maybe I can help you find her...
what does she look like?"
The young guy says,
"Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall,
with red hair,
blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra,
long legs,
and is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?'
To which the old guy says, "Doesn't matter,
--- let's look for yours."
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Re: Clean Humor Thread
The wife came out of the bathroom after her shower, stark naked and walked into the bedroom..
She said to me "Babe, shut the curtains, I don't want the neighbours to see me naked"
"Don't worry" I replied.."If the neighbours see you naked they'll shut their own f***ing curtains!!"
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Re: Clean Humor Thread
A man is walking down the street pushing a wheelbarrow and he meets a small boy.....
Boy..... What ya got in the wheelbarrow mister?.....
Man..... Horse manure son.....
Boy..... Cor that's horrible..... What ya gonna do with that mister?.....
Man..... I am going to put it on my rhubarb.....
Boy..... Blimey mister, you should come to our house, we have custard on ours.....
Ollie.
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Re: Clean Humor Thread
LMAO! :) Priceless!
Best wishes for many sales to all,
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Re: Clean Humor Thread
A man walks into a 24hr dry cleaning establishment with his suit.
The proprietor says "thank you sir it will be ready Monday lunch time"
The man replies "I beg your pardon? I thought this was a 24 hour dry cleaning service! Don't you mean it will be ready tomorrow lunch time? Tomorrow is Thursday!"
The proprietor says "Yes Sir this is a 24 hour dry cleaning service! We work 8 hours a day except Saturday and Sunday when we are closed. Thats Thursday, Friday and Monday till lunch time.
Its a clean ... ing joke.
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Re: Clean Humor Thread
Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & lies on the bed spreadeagled and says "You know what I want dont you?"
"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole friggin' bed by the looks of it!
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Re: Clean Humor Thread
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Re: Clean Humor Thread
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students.
He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk
to wait.
Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests
back in. The professor noticed that one of the students
had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying ,
"A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back .
The student got back his test and $56 change.
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Re: Clean Humor Thread
Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
To spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
Home at $4,000 per month.
My grandpa started walking
Five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old
And we have no idea where the hell he is.
I like long walks,
Especially when they are taken
By people who annoy me.
The only reason I would take up walking
Is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I have to walk early in the morning,
Before my brain figures out what I'm doing...
I joined a health club last year,
Spent about 250 bucks.
Haven't lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go there!
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
Start with a small country.
I know I got a lot of exercise
The last few years,......
Just getting over the hill.
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Re: Clean Humor Thread
One night our dog suddenly began barking almost every night
at around 3 a.m.
Irritated and sleepy, my husband, Larry, searched the back
yard for what might have disturbed this otherwise peaceful
animal.
For three days he found nothing amiss. When the dog woke up
the neighborhood a fourth night at 3 a.m. with frantic
barking Larry finally snuck around the house through the
alley only to discover our quiet neighbor, the last man
you'd suspect of wrongdoing, throwing pebbles over the fence
at the dog.
My husband demanded to know what he was doing.
"My mother-in-law is visiting," the embarrassed neighbor
explained. "If she gets woke up in the middle of the night
one more time she says she'll leave."