Goodbye Mum

[cornishmaid1961]

Oh Santa I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. I know how you feel as I lost my mum after a long illness when I was 17.

I found the best way of coping was to keep really busy for the first few days until the shock has died down ( I went straight back to school the next day), even though your mum had been ill for a while it is still a shock to the system.

If you keep busy over the next few days, and get all the official stuff and post mortem out of the way, you can then sit back and go through the grieving process by remembering the happy times you had with your mum when the atmosphere is much more relaxed.

[bluejypsy]

(((((Santa))))). My most sincere condolences to yourself and your family Santa.
You will find so many people who just don't know what to say, so say nothing, don't take it that they don't care, they most certainly do, just don't know how to voice it. When you are in this situation offer a hug, it speaks a thousand words.
Take it one step at a time and lean on others they will feel better along with you
Bless you all. x

[MagnetsAndHangers]

Always a sad time for anyone, and I offer my condolences.

Animals helped me through the hours immediately after my mum passed away.
I was in Bolton at a football match when got the call......Mum had a stroke, not looking good, suggest you head for Dumfries hospital urgently.
I dont carry much money or credit cards to football matches, so had to get out of the carpark, drive down to nottingham to borrow some cash from a friend, then head for Scotland.
Got within an hour of dumfries hospital, when I got a call saying ''no need to hurry now''.
I pulled over to the side of the road, and sat beside a duck pond for over an hour talking to the ducks. It was a very calming way of handling that first hour.
Then as I drove into the hospital carpark, a rabbit jumped out in front of my car. I screeched to a halt and jumped out as it wasnt going to move.
It left me lift it to the side of the road. Again - I found it extremely calming for some reason. I was extremely scared about going into the hospital, but the rabbit was more scared than me.

Keeping yourself busy is the main thing. I had to drive back down to London the next day, pick up my family, and drive back up to Scotland. All that took my mind off things to a certain extent.

Hope it all goes as well as these things can for you.

[PoppyGrove]

We're both sorry to read that you're beloved Mum has passed away. It is very numbing and your mind is probably in a fog right about now - despite your Mum being ill for a long time - it is still a shock to the system and it does somehow 'knock you for 6' to coin a phrase.

I've buried both of my parents - both were young when they died, and have passed a good few years now - and even now something will trigger off the memory and the tears.

As there is to be a post mortem, depending on your area, this can take anything from a couple of days to a week. If you engage an undertaker at this stage, advise him of the situation and he will help lighten the load. Plan and arrange the necessary for your Mum - the undertakers will help you with this. I have great memories of the Vicar and undertaker doing 'kareoke' in a sense as we were choosing the hynms as not being regular church goers, the hymn titles didn't help in choosing which ones wouled be suitable. Even at that sad stressful period - there was some light relief in it all.

As far as how to cope - thats a difficult one - I don't think there is any set format or set of rules to follow - we all cope in different ways. It also depends on the relationship that you shared with your Mum. For me, it helped to keep busy. But - also in respect of Dad, because he was the parent responsible for my upbringing, and not only my parent, but also my best friend and confidant, it took me a long time to come to proper terms with his loss. I just wanted to be left alone and was very low for nearly 2 years after the event.

Take consolation from the fact that you were with her in her last hours, and that she is no longer in pain. If you Mum was your guiding light, pick a star in the night sky and there is where your Mum will be.

Someone once told me that even though we know that one day our parents will die because thats what happens and they're older than us, because they are our parents and are always there for us and we always want them to be there for us, to guide and advise us as wew travel through this journey of life, we expect them to always be there for us. In a way, depending on your beliefs - your Mum will always be there - in your shadow - helping and guiding as you'd wish her to be.

No words can help at a time like this, but pease remember friends are a godsend at a time when you need them most - take comfort from knowing that you and your family are foremost in our thoughts as we exetend our deepest sympathies to you all, as we know how you feel cos we've been through it.

[Huddylion]

Tony
So sorry to hear your bad news,it's hard mate as you know but time is a healer I know you don't want to hear that right now but it's true,lost my first wife and Dad very close together and it was really hard and a bad time,I still think about them both even though I have carried on with my life.
Keep your chin up fella and be strong, lots of great advice given to you in this thread and remember we are all here for if needed.

[Armstrongs]

((((((Santa))))))

I'm so sorry for your loss.....thoughts and prayers are with you xxxxxxxx

I can only echo what Babs has said, appoint an untertaker and they will guide you through this devastating time.

I'd also suggest trying to find her will (if she has one) she may have left some specific requests / plans for her funeral in there.

Nothing can compare with the heartbreak, losing someone who is "part of you", but in time to come...you will take great comfort from being there with her when she passed away.

A good friend of mine died on Saturday morning, and it was a blessing that her three daughters were with her when it mattered the most.

Yvonne x

[TexasAda]

Santa, I know you and your brother and sister must be somewhat shocked even though you deep down knew she would be dying. If you are the one who has to be strong, I think one of the best things you can do is just keep talking, to everybody. Talk about what you remember about your mother, talk about who should be notified as far as relatives and friends, talk about the funeral and what will become of her possessions, talk about your own last wishes as this reminds us all of our mortality. Don't make too many decisions and don't drive too much, as you will be very distracted.

My thoughts and those of many other people go to you.

[raindropsies]

Sad news, I will do some prayers for you.

I hope you find a way to cope but remember there are people that can be there for you and this community will no doubt be there for you as can be seen in the posts within this thread.

[PATRIOT73]

offer my condolences.

[MHTTrading]

Our deapest simpathy goes out to you at this most difficult of times.