Clean Humor Thread

[cambrensis]

[Tropical_Trish]

[sucadot]

Jim and Joe are sitting at a bar drinking and Jim asks about their mate John.

Joe says "John has gone missing - apparently he forgot his wedding anniversary again. His wife flew into a fit of rage, walked out to the driveway, pointed to the ground and said I want a present that goes from 0 to 200 really fast and I want it here by tomorrow morning."

Joe continued, "The next morning his wife woke up, walked outside and saw a big box with a ribbon tied round it. She opened it and saw a new set of bathroom scales.

John hasn't been seen since!"

[cambrensis]

So John did not "weight" around....?????

[sucadot]

So John did not "weight" around....?????

Oh lol!

[moonwitch]

So today was surreal.... we were driving through Eastbourne, following an ambulance when we noticed a small metal box sitting on the ambulance's rear step.
When the ambulance turned a corner the box flew off and landed on the side of the road against the kerb. Call me curious or just the Good Samaritan that I am, we pulled over and retrieved it.
When we opened the box there was a human toe packed in ice inside it! So we called the hospital and explained what we'd found.
The lady on the other end of the phone said “Yes, the ambulance has just arrived minus the box”.
I told her where we were and asked if they were going to send another ambulance to collect it?

The lady replied “No, we’ll just send a toe truck.”

[cambrensis]

[moonwitch]

I went for an audition at a talent agency today.
They asked "so what's your special talent?"
I said "I do bird impressions!" They said "sorry, that’s not original we have had loads of them!"
I said "fair enough!!"...
and flew out the window!

[cambrensis]

I apologise for the misspelling in this joke. It is not of my doing; I'm sure you can sort this out mentally, yourselves. I suspect it is due to the perpetrator's having confused "itself" over the males and females as well as the masculines and feminines!

[cambrensis]