Any Agony Aunts out there?

[olivia8143]

I have a dilemma, a friend of mine died recently during a heart bypass operation and her husband is using me as a shoulder to cry on but it's all getting a bit too much for me. He phones daily and calls round almost as often. I don't want him round here all the time but I want to let him down gently, the only trouble is - HOW?

[cornishmaid1961]

What age group is he ? Maybe you could suggest he takes up a new hobby or do a night class or something where he could meet some new people. Do you have any other friends in common that could lend a hand and distract him a bit ?

[lakeleilani]

You are also grieving for your friend and need some time to yourself. Perhaps you could suggest that he finds a local bereavement support group, or other social group to help bring him out of himself. You could always say that you are not the best person to help him at this time, since you were also close to his wife.

[tonyreddevil]

Totally Agree.

[olivia8143]

What age group is he ? Maybe you could suggest he takes up a new hobby or do a night class or something where he could meet some new people. Do you have any other friends in common that could lend a hand and distract him a bit ?

Thanks for your answer, Becky. I've tried palming him off onto a friend of mine but no luck. The trouble is, it's his late wife that was my friend and I'm not that interested in a friendship with him but he doesn't seem to have anyone else. I feel sorry for him but he's beginning to test my patience.

[olivia8143]

You are also grieving for your friend and need some time to yourself. Perhaps you could suggest that he finds a local bereavement support group, or other social group to help bring him out of himself. You could always say that you are not the best person to help him at this time, since you were also close to his wife.

Thanks, that's a good idea. I've just printed off the contact numbers for Cruse Bereavement line and I'll give them to him - he's coming round tomorrow (sigh)

[Calliehay]

is there any way could pass him onto the Samaritans by telling him he can phone and speak to them even in the middle of the night - I mean very gently - they will let him pour his heart out and even see him if he wants - it will be doing him a kindness in the end and stop a situation you are having a problem with
Hope this helps

[Oldandintheway]

Hmmmnnn! being the cynic here!
Are you sure he's not looking for a replacement???
I would become less available if I were you.
Not total cold turkey - just not on call 24/7
I hope I'm wrong, but these things happen.

[suesjools]

Hmmmnnn! being the cynic here!
Are you sure he's not looking for a replacement???
I would become less available if I were you.
Not total cold turkey - just not on call 24/7
I hope I'm wrong, but these things happen.

I was thinking the same thing; the stats show that widowers tend to remarry sooner than widows, maybe cause the guys aren't so good at taking care of themselves, no matter what they claim to the contrary, LOL.

Agree with the above advice, he could probably use some professional support at this time. Are there any grief counseling centers in your area or grief support groups? Also, if he's a churchgoer, his pastor/minister would likely be a good choice to listen and comfort him, after all, that's their stock in trade.

Good luck and best wishes for many sales to all,

[Oldandintheway]

I was thinking the same thing; the stats show that widowers tend to remarry sooner than widows, maybe cause the guys aren't so good at taking care of themselves, no matter what they claim to the contrary, LOL.

I agree sues!
I know of a guy who had to ask his daughter what he had in his cup of tea, after his wife died! No joke!