Have a paraprosdokian!
A paraprosdokian (from Greek "παρα-", meaning "beyond" and"προσδοκßα", meaning "expectation") is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in away that causes the reader or listener to reframe the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.
Many of these are priceless...
1 I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
2 Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
3 The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
4 I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
5 We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6 Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
7 Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
8 To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9 A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
1Ø I thought I wanted a career. It turns out I just wanted pay checks.
11 A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
12 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If in an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
13 I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14 A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
15 You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
16 The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
17 Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
18 A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to h_ll in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
19 Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even when you wish they were.
2Ø Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
21 Some cause happiness wherever they go: Others whenever they go.
22 There's a fine line between cuddling, and holding someone down so they can't get away.
23 I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
24 I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
25 When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
26 You're never too old to learn something stupid.
27 To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
28 Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
29 Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
3Ø A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are running after it as when you are in it.
31 If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
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Re: Have a paraprosdokian!
pmsl
Too funny!
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